SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

It has happened a number of times over the years. I was his first, even though I had a number of men before him. It particularly broke my heart because we had a unique love affair, travelling across the world to be with each other.

He always breaks down and admits it, eventually or immediately saying he's sorry. It has been like this on again off again for the past 10 years, even though we are not divorced nor do we sleep together, and our 3 kids live with me, and at the moment he sleeps in a different part of the house.

While it greatly saddens me, especially when he's said he won't do it again and does it eventually anyway (of course I don't believe him anymore), the thought of it, either past or rather recent infidelities, somehow erotically excites me.

In part I am sure that it is a kind of defense mechanism. It already happened, so my mind, etc., better just make the best of it. I assure you that I never wanted it to happen.

He has given me quite a bit of details about the sex he's had with these girls, partly because he volunteered the information, and partly because I asked, and that certainly helps to fuel my erotic excitement/curiosity about the sex he's had with them/

Sometimes I cry over the situation, sometimes it makes me horny, sometimes both at the same time. I'm not sure how many other men or women have felt this way, but I'm curious as to how many have. I'm also not sure how much detail I can share on this forum, but I'd really like to know how many other people have felt this way, especially the women. Thank you

Sometimes I simply can't get the picture of him making love to these women, even from years ago, out of my head. I know what all of them looked like. To think of him getting an erection over their nakedness, especially when I was his first, is so strangely erotic to me. He's told me the positions they made love in, what they looked like naked compared to me, that I was the only woman that could make him orgasm orally except for one, who he emphasized made him cum twice.

The pleasure they would give each other, the sounds they made, the fact it even happened at all, at the same time makes me extremely sad and very horny. It is a dilemma I guess I will just have to live with, but I still wonder if anyone else has ever felt that way.

It’s actually not that uncommon. We have he men here who have said this, but it’s been. While since I have seen anything on it. I know a woman who is semi close to me that also had this reaction to her husbands infidelity. I do not think you are alone.

And let’s face it, even though it’s not the same as infidelity as far as betrayal there are lots of people in the world who are living alternative lifestyles such as swinging for precisely that reason.

I personally think it’s just an extension of a phenomenon called hysterical bonding.

My concern is more that you have been betrayed so much and disrespected that it’s probably also battered you in deep ways. If you want to have an open marriage then it should be open for you too. However, those sorts of things require a lot of trust and I can imagine that may be irretrievably broken.

So, my question is do you think you want this marriage? And if so, he is going to have to be willing to do some serious work on himself. Have you thought about setting some requirements to move forward in the marriage?

Well, I know that some people have open marriages, etc., but I'm not even slightly interested in any of that. I'm also not interested in anyone other than him. I've just been through too much/too many relationships in my life to even contemplate being with anybody else. So, it's either him or nobody, and if it's nobody, that's fine. I will always love that person who I fell in love with 20 years ago and cherish memories of him and the time we spent together. Right now, he's not very loveable, but I threw my lot in with him, partly by moving across the world, and I certainly couldn't love anyone else. And even if I had hooked up with someone else, I would have probably screwed my life up even more and had much less time to spend with my own kids, who are all now teenagers, which is a little hard for me to wrap my head around, as time has gone by so quickly.

Yes, it has battered me deeply, that's true. My self esteem, confidence. For sure.

Do I want this marriage? If things could ever get back to normal, yes. Can they? It's up to him. I've gone way out of my way to do more than my part. In the summer he had ended a long running affair that he had with a girl and we were talking about what we might do with the rest of our and the kids' lives is the I, even going back to my home country, which is the US. We haven't been intimate in ages, but he was going out of his way to be cooperative and kind to me, then I recently discovered that he had started screwing around with not one, but two girls, one of whom is probably half his age. So, here we go again, and he's not even here half of the nights during a week.

Divorce where we live now is a very lengthy and expensive process, and he has a 100% chance of losing everything since he's cheated on me. We both figured that our money and time would be better spent on other things. He's always contributed to the support of the kids financially, although he hasn't been involved with them much personally, and hasn't helped me much financially, which I actually need pretty badly.

I'm glad to know that I'm not the only person that's reacted to infidelity by being sexually excited by it. I'd actually love to talk to others that have had this same reaction. I have this enormous curiosity about what goes on in the bedroom with him and other women, even to the point of wishing I could be a fly on the wall or have a hidden camera to be able to see and hear every detail. The details are what excite me most. To be able to watch him undress and get hard over his mistress, oh goodness....I know what an extremely skilled lover he is. He's the only man that could ever make me vaginally orgasm or make me climax with his tongue, and to think about him doing that to other women excites me terribly. And if I could see and hear it.....OMG...